Imagine

By The Rev. Bernard W. Poppe, Rector

Imagine. Imagine yourself so desperate to be healed that you would fight a crowd to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment. Imagine the realization that he knew what happened and turned to find out who did it. Imagine the thoughts that would go through your mind, weighing whether or not you should admit it, or run away before anyone found out. Imagine stepping forward fearfully, wondering if Jesus would take the healing back and push you back into the pit of your disease. Now imagine the smile on Jesus’ face when he looked happily at you and shared your joy. Imagine being stunned that after so many years of illness, he told you that your faith has made you well, go in peace and be healed.

The woman in this story has no name given, imagine it was you. Now ask yourself, what might you have inside that would make you so desperate that you would risk the crowd and your fears to touch that hem.

The healing stories are among the most numerous in the Gospels. And in most cases there is a common thread, namely, the person in need such as the woman in today’s lesson, or someone on behalf of the person in need - such as Jairus on behalf of his daughter - approaches Jesus and asks, begs, or even takes the healing. And even though the individual cases differ, there is no one who is turned away. No one is told “no”. One notable difference is the way Jesus handled the death of his friend Lazarus. In that case he was asked to come quickly, much the same as Jairus. He didn’t say “no”, but he didn’t hurry either and Lazarus died. To Martha and Mary that must have seemed like a great big “NO” to them, but it turned out to be a greater good.

I find these healing stories to be fascinating. Ultimately I wrestle with their factual quality versus their spiritual quality. There are plenty of stories in each of our lives where physical healing has occurred to ourselves or someone we know that appear quite miraculous and in response to prayer. And there are also many tragic stories where the answer to desperate prayers seems to be “no”. When the answer appears to be “no” is it an imperfect faith that has failed or an imperfect God that closes the door? These are haunting questions, for which I for one, do not have the answers. It doesn’t stop me from praying however. Part of my personal faith is accepting that I don’t have the whole picture yet. I have learned that what I want is not always what is best. That doesn’t stop me from praying either. That little bit of insight simply shapes my prayer into making my requests known to God while remaining open to the outcome, certain that in the end my healing is God’s desire for me. Where I have to remain open is coming to understand what shape that healing takes.

Today is Gay Pride Sunday in New York City and it gets world wide attention. A vast community of Gay people and their straight friends witness and advocate in a parade not asking, but demanding healing. Demanding that the legal system statewide and nationally give full equality and protection from bias and hate. Claiming the spiritual healing that comes from not asking for equality, but fully acknowledging that despite the legal realities, we are equal.

I remember being tortured as a child by my own fears of being gay and the ostracism and danger I risked. I remembered my desperate prayers to be healed, made straight. I remember all too well the anguish I felt at God’s apparent silence and non-responsiveness. I prayed deeply and the answer seemed to keep coming back, “NO.” Was I not faithful enough, or good enough to heard? Was I already lost and left behind? Was I so awful as not even to be noticed by God? I was not only touching that hem, I was pulling it! Jesus couldn’t have helped but notice!!

The healing I sought came in a different way. It came by slowly over time understanding God’s love for me just as I am. Being gay is a rich quality of my character that informs how I see the world, form relationships with men and women. How I enter platonic or romantic intimacy. Even my humor and how I choose to decorate my home. It’s no better or worse than anyone else, it’s just who I am and part of who God made me to be. It is one facet of this particular diamond in the rough that God keeps polishing over the years of my being. There are many other facets, some smoother and rougher than others. My point here is that healing came not as I had asked for, but as I needed it. God did answer, and I believe is smiling, but I had to lift my head to see it, and open my hears and heart to receive it.

My healing is not evenly celebrated throughout the world. I am so fortunate and blessed that it is recognized here in this congregation, this Diocese and to some degree this state, but certainly not to the degree it will be one day. Parades are important, though the media will focus on the more exotic elements, and reinforce the negative rather than the positive understandings of what is hoped to be achieved. The struggles that take place in so many ways are also important in which ever arena they happen. But most importantly, the setting for healing must take place in the spirit of the individual who feels God’s love personally saying, “you are well, you faith has healed you, go in peace.” The disease that is healed at least in my case, was that of fear and self loathing. The healing that happened brought peace and self acceptance and deep knowing that I am loved by God who made me as I am and loves me. I have seen similar healing in other gay and lesbian people and I celebrate it. I have seen healing in straight people whose prejudice and even hatred and violence has been replaced by understanding and warmth if not, in fact, love.

All of us need healing in one form or another. In most cases the heed for healing will be within our bodies minds or spirits. It might be in our relationships or about finding our place in the world. Ironically we’ll discover that we don’t have the full picture on any given issue and that our prayers may appear to go unanswered or unnoticed. But I believe with my whole being that is not the case. Our prayer brings whatever awareness we have to the surface, so that it is not we who have God’s attention, but God who finally has ours.

None of us can afford to stop praying for healing for ourselves or others. There’s a lot that needs to be healed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Like the woman in the story each of us will have a time when we are so desperate about something that we will fight the crowd to claim the healing that Jesus will lovingly give. Whatever healing you need, I encourage you to reach out, risk what you fear to know that God’s love will surprise you with an incredible healing energy that you may not even realize has been at work in you until much later.

This wonderful woman in the Gospel story sought Jesus in quiet desperation to heal something that she had dealt with for many years. She later experienced fear and trembling after claiming her healing. And then experienced the ecstasy of hearing her savior tell her she was healed. That woman was healed in so much more than her body that day. So many of our illnesses are physical or emotional reflections of the illnesses we keep in our spirits. Accepting God’s love, and healing the spirit within radiates outward and takes many different forms - emotionally, physically, even in society. Imagine that. Amen.

©2009 St. George's Episcopal Church, Maplewood, NJ